Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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