there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
