Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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