You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Text me some of your sweat
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
