I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
