I wish I could punch you in the face.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
