Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
