I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
