her vagine was all disorganized.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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