this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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