so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
