I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
