What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
