I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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