I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
