Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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