chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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