Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
