I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
