I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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