Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
