I wish I could punch you in the face.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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