I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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