My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
