had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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