are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
