Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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