How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize