Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
