He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize