Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
