I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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