So drunk its hurt
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
