Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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