So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
