cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
