Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
