remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was CRYING into my vagina
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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