I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just google imaged poop.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize