So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
