He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
