last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
