If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
