I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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