After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
