think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
