Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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