Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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