ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
