Screwed.edu
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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