ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
