so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize