I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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