the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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