so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
