oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
