I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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