so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
