he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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