Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
