Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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