so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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