ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
