im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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