I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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