dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
