guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
