I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
