he shaved USA in his pubs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
