I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
