don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
