Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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